....the bills are coming in.

Having cancer is expensive. Hell, I got a $1600 bill from someone I don't know for what I don't know. Time to start getting the itemized bills.

Oh, and tried to get my last "fill" into my spacers today. I was improved but not enough. My lovely PA had a dream about me last night, being so happy with my new boobs. I hope her dreams come true, because just now, I feel like a monster. I didn't think I would feel this way. Just not one with my body. Not one with my woman-hood. Strange, alone, frightened...still. Luckily my husband returns on Saturday (or Sunday if Winter Storm 'Saturn' becomes a little more bitchy than they predicted.)

Fuck.

The deductible bills are coming through. Thousands of dollars worth. I could use a hand, but never ask for something for nothing. Check out my Etsy page. Maybe you will find something you like and help me pay off my bills at the same time.

Logic/Not Logic

Handy Tip:  Even though you are technically recovering, in my case still in the rebuilding process, if your significant other needs to travel for work, something will happen and you WILL feel alone, angry, stupid, and afraid.  Life will continue for everyone else but you.  For you, it will stand still until your life mate/support system returns.

I am not bitter.  (Well a little) My husband had to go to India for 3 weeks.  I am half way through.  He will be home on the 9th.  I cannot express what a mistake this was.

"I'll be fine," I said.
"I have the kid," I said.
"It is logical for you to go.  You have the insurance card/job/providership." I said.

We didn't take into account that February is the snowiest month in Colorado.  We didn't take into account that anything could go sideways health wise either.  Ok, so it's just a little infection, and allergic reaction, but still everything is amplified right now.  Turned up to 11 and a half.

Half way through.

I have been fortunate enough to have a friend who came over to shovel, and a couple who have taken me to the grocery in a blizzard.  I have my online community and my work and my child, but I am so lonely right now.  Today.

And it is illogical.

Second Handy Tip:  If you can avoid Sulfa drugs, do.  It's a totally uncomfortable, weird, nauseous, horrible time. 

A little set back....

Went in for my fill today.  It's my first to last.  My left breast has some bruising that has to be watched.  I am hoping it is just the skin being weird, not a full on infection, but they did put me back on the antibiotics.

I have had MRSA so I know what to look for.  The wonderful PA I see outlined the area so I can watch for spreading.  It's all very clinical and logical as these things go. We are not doing my last fill until a week from now.  Taking a week off to make sure I heal properly.   I do feel like I have a cold coming on.  I feel awful and tired from not being able to sleep properly.

My husband is in India, and I don't really have anyone to lean on, to worry on.  Believe me, I worry on people, not to people.  I am often surprised that my husband doesn't buckle under the weight of it.

Not a fantastic day.

The high cost of living....

News of the day: The shot that I MUST take every 3 months until I get my lady parts removed, costs 11K a shot I am prescribed to take every 3 months.  That's $11,000. Eleven Thousand. And right now, they are just not sure of what my co-pay is. 


*blink*  

Cancer is awesome.

Picture by Your's Truly

At Cutcaster.com

A different thought....

This is pretty amazing.  For those who don't want to replace their breast:

From: The Daily Mail

*Crickets*

Tip to Friends of Recovering Cancer Patients:  Out of the hospital and in recovery is much less interesting but we still need you.

TMI

.....see also Stabby.

I believe when I write this book, publish the pictures and what not, I will need an appendix of "things they don't tell you".  Most of these things are either gross or painful.  Today's little post qualify for both gross and painful.  See also:  Too much information.

Onward under the cut!