Steady on...

I got a glimpse of the scars this week, but just that.  I don't think my PA wants me to obsess over the scars.  I didn't look at them in the mirror so I don't know about symmetry yet.  I was told they are behaving well.  I certainly hope so.  Sleeping on a slope is not a lot of fun.  Neither is sleeping in the hospital bra that I am chained to 24/7.  It's like a chastity belt for your boobs.

I am thinking more and more of the book and hopefully gallery show.  Writing the book in my head.  Some of that has to get on an actual page.

Used in accordance of terms of service by the creative director (that's me) at cutcaster.com

Ps.  Fuck Cancer

Post-op

Post-op today.  Hoping to get permission to drive.

It's the little things.

No sleep

Trying to sleep on my back at a 40 degree angle is more difficult than I could possibly imagine.  3 hours last night.

First post-op appointment today.

Next.....

Ok, this part really is over. The spacers are gone and the new ones are in. Don't know what they are like yet. Still bandaged of course and pretty damn compressed. Youch. Surgery, after the falling to sleep part. Evidently I had a fucked up allergic reaction to the antibiotics. My skin is still crawling. I went from normal to hives head to toe in about 10 min. Then I was out cold. Woke muzzy but good. Got to come home. Me and sleep are not friends just not. I am a side sleeper and have to sleep on my back at about 35-45 degrees for a month or so. (Hopefully not the whole 3 months) The 3 months will be in a bra 24/7 moving and shaping. Then the nip tattoo (which I have no nerves to feel....so no prob.) I have a lot to think about in the next three months or so. I have been traveling toward better and better health, so getting hit with cancer was a shocker. I don't much like surprises. So diligent for the next 3-5 years with Dr. Cutie Jew, Dr. Paul. (Yes, I call him that to his face. He is soooooo cute) I want to write a huge assed letter to all of you who have been so freaking supportive....and I will, but for now maybe a nap in the chair.

10 days to go....

It's getting real.  10 days until the last surgery.  Hard to focus these days.

Sick

Like really sick.  For 4 days now.  I don't even want to talk about it.  I just want to feel better.

Never ending...

Woke up in insane leg pain. (All the same only worse). Called my PT guy right away. 3x a week until surgery. Hopefully that will help because I have been told I will be given no more pain meds. The only thing that is OK is standing. Sitting and even laying down is painful. Cried. Hard. Poor long suffering husband held me. They want to change my pre-op to tomorrow. Any bets on if my surgery will be pushed back again?

I am trying to hide my tears from my son.  I told him I would likely be very fragile leading up to the surgery.  Cry a lot, be curt, freak out.

He said, "But mom, you cried all last year, and it was my best year of school."  Which of course made me weep, quietly in the bathroom.

When will this end?