No sleep

Trying to sleep on my back at a 40 degree angle is more difficult than I could possibly imagine.  3 hours last night.

First post-op appointment today.

Next.....

Ok, this part really is over. The spacers are gone and the new ones are in. Don't know what they are like yet. Still bandaged of course and pretty damn compressed. Youch. Surgery, after the falling to sleep part. Evidently I had a fucked up allergic reaction to the antibiotics. My skin is still crawling. I went from normal to hives head to toe in about 10 min. Then I was out cold. Woke muzzy but good. Got to come home. Me and sleep are not friends just not. I am a side sleeper and have to sleep on my back at about 35-45 degrees for a month or so. (Hopefully not the whole 3 months) The 3 months will be in a bra 24/7 moving and shaping. Then the nip tattoo (which I have no nerves to feel....so no prob.) I have a lot to think about in the next three months or so. I have been traveling toward better and better health, so getting hit with cancer was a shocker. I don't much like surprises. So diligent for the next 3-5 years with Dr. Cutie Jew, Dr. Paul. (Yes, I call him that to his face. He is soooooo cute) I want to write a huge assed letter to all of you who have been so freaking supportive....and I will, but for now maybe a nap in the chair.

10 days to go....

It's getting real.  10 days until the last surgery.  Hard to focus these days.

Sick

Like really sick.  For 4 days now.  I don't even want to talk about it.  I just want to feel better.

Never ending...

Woke up in insane leg pain. (All the same only worse). Called my PT guy right away. 3x a week until surgery. Hopefully that will help because I have been told I will be given no more pain meds. The only thing that is OK is standing. Sitting and even laying down is painful. Cried. Hard. Poor long suffering husband held me. They want to change my pre-op to tomorrow. Any bets on if my surgery will be pushed back again?

I am trying to hide my tears from my son.  I told him I would likely be very fragile leading up to the surgery.  Cry a lot, be curt, freak out.

He said, "But mom, you cried all last year, and it was my best year of school."  Which of course made me weep, quietly in the bathroom.

When will this end?

Hopefully this is it......

New surgery date:  September 16.

Never Again

I met a woman yesterday who had stage 3 breast cancer. She chose a total mastectomy, and said she couldn't get the rebuild. She was cancer free but worries every single day about getting the cancer back somewhere else at any moment. I don't want to be her. I just want this to be over.