TMI

.....see also Stabby.

I believe when I write this book, publish the pictures and what not, I will need an appendix of "things they don't tell you".  Most of these things are either gross or painful.  Today's little post qualify for both gross and painful.  See also:  Too much information.

Onward under the cut!

For the last 14 years I have used a device called an IUD.  It's a simple thing.  Usually used to prevent pregnancy, it also has really wonderful side effects like canceling your monthly cycle.  So I have had approximately 2 periods in the last 14 years.  It was bliss.  It was freeing.

As I did have the kind of cancer that just loves estrogen and progesterone, the doctors (all of them) required that the IUD (which has a tiny bit of progesterone) out.  So out it went.  Thinking I was in menopause or very very close to it, I didn't think this would be a problem.  I could not have been more wrong.

Though I did have my first shot of Leuprolide Acetate, (used for colon cancer usually.  PS. It can shrink your man parts) which should send my body reeling into full on menopause, I have now had my first period, and am waiting on my second.  As mentioned above, the IUD took care of all of the symptoms of Aunt Flow, That Time of the Month, The Crimson Wave, and/or Being on the Rag.  

I am currently waiting on my third period in 14 years.  My cramps can be very much like the "resting" period between contractions during child birth.  I spent Wednesday curled up on the couch.  There have been 7 such days so far.  I believe I MAY start menstruation today or tomorrow which is good, because I am almost too bloated to wear my wedding rings, I am weepy/stabby, have gained about 7lbs in water weight, and about 3lbs in Girl Scout Cookies, and liverwurst.

I am almost looking forward to the bleeding.  Except that in my case, it means bleeding as if I had been stabbed in the gut.  It's excessive, it's clotty, it's gross.  (I warned you).  I can't do this.  Seriously.  I am considering trying to get my hysterectomy BEFORE I get my permanent breasts.  I am pretty sure my doctors (all of them) will reject that notion, and force me to suffer the indignities of this "normal" monthly bodily crime.

I cried when I took my kid to school.  I cried harder on the way home because my husband will be in India for 3 weeks and I will have to get up at 6am for 3 weeks.  Mornings are not my strong suit.

Damn it all to hell.  I am wondering if I can remove my ovaries myself with this: